I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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