dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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