my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just had sex on a roof
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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