what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And then my night got REAL pukey
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
