Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
