Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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