Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
