i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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