apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
