he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
