After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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