I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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