I seem to have left my pride at pride
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
