The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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