I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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