There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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