So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
