Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
