I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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