It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
