I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
