Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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