There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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