I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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