I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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