we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
