You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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