I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
