Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
