She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
