And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
