You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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