you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
