it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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