the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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