He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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