remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
