Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
a search helicopter?!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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