I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
