Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
