I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
