Me. At least after what I've been through.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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