Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize