She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
