We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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