Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
