I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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