am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
