Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
