the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I just sharted jello shots
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
