I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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