Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize