I think I won the penis lottery.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
