We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
