just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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