eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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