Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
