Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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