You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
