ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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