I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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