Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
