I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
