So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
