i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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