You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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