I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
