So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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