Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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