it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
