why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
