May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
