my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
