took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
