He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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