Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize