you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
