I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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