Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
