toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
