I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
