If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
